Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
