ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
