dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
