my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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