HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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