My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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