i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
