How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
