that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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