please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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