Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
