Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
