OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
