Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
