I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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