It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
