And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
