Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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