I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
