Old men and throwing up are my life now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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