Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
