you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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