the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
