i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
