Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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