why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Send help, water and tortillas.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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