the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
COCAINE IS GR8
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
