I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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