try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
