I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
