Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
