we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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