I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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