mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
