omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
