Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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