Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
