Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
