I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
