The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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