Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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