I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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