ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
