Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
