guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
