it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My pussy is not your playground.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
