At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
