i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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