Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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