Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
