You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
