i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
