Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
