so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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