Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
