Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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