You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
