He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
