I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to make out with him forever
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
