Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
